I think I might start a competition for the funniest, most apt or most facetious remark by a reader.  The prize will, of course, be $4m and you will have to pay me an advance security keeping fee of $140.

My avid reader sent me this one, with this comment: “It came to my “noticed” that these clowns are idiots!”

Yes folks, it’s the FBI again.  Telling you once again what a wicked, horrible person you are for entering into illegal transactions with a string of official sounding people.  Paul Smith will help you out though.  But do make sure you are wearing the correct underwear (designer joke there folks).

Unless you are having illegal transactions with all the people mentioned in this email, I suggest you delete it and don’t reply.  They don’t want to send you $800k they want to take money from you by way of fees.

If you are having illegal transactions with all the people mentioned – change your name quickly.

Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc
Telephone Number: (206)-202-0790.
Attn: Beneficiary,
This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our noticed and we have thoroughly Investigated with the helped of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you’re having an illegal Transactions with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr Frank Nweke, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Bank are impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation. During our Investigation, we noticed that the reason why you’ve not received your payment is because you’ve not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.
So therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by co-ordinating your payment in total USD$800,000.00 in an ATM CARD which you use to withdraw money anywhere in the world. You now have the lawful right to claim your fund in an ATM CARD.
Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation is involved in this transaction,you have to be rest assured for this is 100% risk free it is our duty to protect the innocent citizens. All I want you to do is to contact the ATM CARD CENTER via email for their requirements to proceed and procure your Approval Slip on your behalf which will cost you $496.00 only and note that your Approval Slip contains details of the PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION NUMBER(PIN) which you’ll use in activating your ATM CARD in any ATM MACHINE.
EMAIL:  atm_card_centre303@hotmail.com
TELEPHONE NUMBER : +234-808-250-7237
Do contact Mr. Paul Smith of the ATM CARD CENTRE with your details:
So your files would be updated after which he will send the payment informations which you’ll use in making payment of $496.00 via Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram Transfer for the procurement of your Approval Slip after which the delivery of your ATM CARD will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay.
We order you get back to this office after you’ve contact with the ATM SWIFT CARD CENTER and we do await your response so we can move on with our Investigation and make sure your ATM SWIFT CARD gets to you.
Thanks and hope to read from you soon.
FBI Director
Robert Mueller.
Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possesion of your ATM CARD, you’re hereby adviced only to be in contact with Mr. Paul Smith of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.